Thursday, September 22, 2005

New Burger King Menu Item... Guilt

OK, I've had this ripped piece of paper bag in my pile of crap for some time now, always meaning to write about it for the writing group "Coffee Crew" that I belong to. Having never done that, I'll write about it here.
Apparently, I owe the Burger King big time. Not Burger King the restaurant, but the actual man behind the burger himself, THE Burger King. Why, you may ask? I have no idea, but according to the advertisement on the take-out bag I got with my meal a few weeks back, he expects to be repaid.
Allow me to reprint the actual advert I am referring to. It said, to quote,
They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day. So give it the royal treatment. The King has lots of tasty ways to satisfy your morning hunger. You owe it to yourself, and to him, to give 'em a try.

To be frank, I was outraged. "What the??" I thought to myself. "I owe it to HIM to give 'em a try?? Who the F**K does this guy think he is... asking favors of me? What has he ever done for ME??" And it was true. Other than continuously offering to make my burger "my way", what has he ever done to deserve a favor in return? And, for that matter, how does he know I even "owe it to myself"?? Maybe I've been pampering myself for the last 20 years, in which case treating myself to a royal breakfast may not be so well deserved. I just thought it was awfully presumptuous that this self-proclaimed Monarchy of the fast food industry just assumed that I, the lowly Burger Peon, would jump at the chance to repay my benevolent king for all the good he's done for the Burger domain.
To make matters worse, as I look up above the text of this advertisement, I see the title.... WAKE UP WITH THE KING. "Oh, good God," I thought. It now sounds as if I just SLEPT with the man, and now expects me to sample his morning culinary delights in return, as if to say, "It's the LEAST you can do...you bastard!" Now I feel almost guilt-ridden into driving out to BK just to buy a sack of hashbrowns, just to alieve the nagging feeling I have for having used him so.
But I won't.
In fact, I think I'll add "Burger King Breakfasts" to the ever-growing list of things I'm boycotting in life, just for having the gall to try to guilt me into spending my hard-earned money on their crappy morning menu. Fortunately for me, I've never really had it before, so it won't be missed all that much.

1 comment:

Simply Red said...

Be careful with that boycott... the Burger King himself could retaliate!

You DO NOT want to wake up next to that mega-creepy Burger King mascot they've got these days!!

Have you seen any of those spots?!

There's that one where he's actually in bed with another man! If that doesn't throw you off your Whopper... I don't know what will!!! ;)

Personally if I ever see the Burger King headed for the end-zone at the next Bears game... I'm yelling for Urlacher to bust a few bones. ;)