Thursday, November 10, 2005

Living the Vida Solo [edited 11/20/05]

Life as a bachelor is often lived by trial and error. Having lived on my own for nearly 11 years now, I'd like to share some of the insights into my little world of bachelorism:

1) Liquid dishwashing soap is not meant to be used in the dishwashing machine.
2) Left long enough in the freezer, even ice will go bad.
3) Just because you can't smell it, does not mean there's no odor.
4) It's probably a good idea to have a fire extinguisher handy when experimenting in the kitchen.
5) The dishwasher is a great place to store dirty dishes.
6) It takes practice to pee and brush your teeth at the same time.
7) Don't bother saving soy sauce from chinese take-out; you will never, EVER use them. I've been in my house for three and a half years, and I have three and a half-year-old soy sauce packets in my fridge.
8) You can forget to take your clothes out of the dryer, but NEVER forget the clothes in the washing machine.
9) No matter how well you think you know home electronics, MARK your wires before taking apart your home theatre system.
10) If you say to yourself "I'm never going to remember where I put this." when putting something away, you won't.
11) The best plant to get a man is a Jade plant; it can go for months without watering, and even when almost dead, a healthy dose of water will make it spring back to life.
12) Don't forget to remove the porno tape from the VCR before selling it to a friend for his daughter. (yes this actually almost happened).
13) Never iron in the nude.

More to come, as I learn.

7 comments:

Steve said...

And yet, your decor is impeccable. Well, I don't know whether "impeccable" is too strong of a word, but you've got themes to your rooms and lots of costly trinkets around to keep things pretty.

You're far from the "bachelor" like Bill Dauterive (from King of the Hill), where he's got an old cable-spool in his living room serving as a coffee table.

Yllek said...

Hmmm.... I have now learned something this week in college.

And to think I didn't have to pay for it. I think I'm getting ripped off here.... Damn the university.

Yllek said...

13) Never iron in the nude.

I don't want to know.... however that is a very important lesson to learn.

Paul G. said...

[[[13) Never iron in the nude.

I don't want to know.... however that is a very important lesson to learn. ]]]

Let's just say it has to do with boiling hot steam and the close proximity of my genitals to the edge of the ironing board.....

Toni said...

Hmmmm, talk about a mental image.

Yllek said...

7) Don't bother saving soy sauce from chinese take-out; you will never, EVER use them. I've been in my house for three and a half years, and I have three and a half-year-old soy sauce packets in my fridge.


To add to number 7 there. It's not worth saving the cheese or pepper packets that come with pizza. Though, you not like really eat pizza so you maybe spared finding them everywhere.

Anonymous said...

13) Never iron in the nude.

Good one. Believe it or not, when I was little I accidentally saw my mom doing that. Thankfully, she didn't see me. Otherwise, it could have been worse; she could have become so surprised by being caught in the act that it could have possibly caused her to accidentally hurt herself. In any case, it could have become an embarassment that neither of us would have been able to live down. lol